Crying at the discotheek in bed

While lying in bed at 1:00 pm on Sunday afternoon, I decided to pick out a new book online. An e-book. One in which I could maybe learn something about life. Learning something from a book about life, because the way of experiencing everything myself I sometimes find not the nicest way. The first book that came up at Bol.com was “Candida, Source Of Disease”, the next “Trauma In Children”. No, it was not on “recommended”, but on “popularity”. Anyway, once filtered I did see some books that appealed to me. Surely I need to read a book other than a book on baby development. Yes, I am reading a book about baby development. And no, there is no baby on the way. Fortunately, this is not a live interview, so I can now move on to another topic before I get “why” questions. 

Yes, I am reading a book about baby development.

I sometimes feel that you always must be be smiling for the outside world, fabulous and successful. But those ugly days are just allowed to be there too. Wow, how therapeutic this sounds. “Ah, maybe meditating will help for you. Girl, I’m in no mood to lie down with my legs folded and listen to a singing bowl. I think my biggest aversion to social media came from this. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that at all, because it’s not part of my life, and it’s never going to be. I think that the days that I am not feeling well (tired, uninspired and not the cheerful me), are a kind of break to be able to move on again. A break in which I lie diagonally like a starfish sighing pessimistically in my bed.

An effortless and above all happy existence is always a part of my life. But why do I care or worry so much on those few days in the year when I’m down for a while? Probably because I do not want to accept that these days exist. By doing this I unconsciously make the days even more difficult. Expecting of yourself that you feel good, you have had a useful day and lived as an incredibly attractive, successful and happy woman.

For now, at least, I will continue to lie in bed listening to “crying at the disco” in the background, fully accepting myself as I am now. Just kidding. That last one then. It sounds too therapeutic and I’m not into that. I just mean to say that I’m going to try not to bother myself about being a little mweh. Mweh, yeah. If you’re looking for strong definitions and deeply inspiring quotes, I’d advise you to take a look at instagram. Be nice to yourself!

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