Pen in a freezer and kinki men

A while back I had ordered a pen, but the pen was dried out. Then I emailed the company, and got back the question if I had put the pen in the freezer for 8 hours, and then shaken it well. Is this a joke. I wrote back that I don’t think it’s normal to put a newly purchased pen in a freezer for 8 hours first, and ask him if he could sit in the freezer himself. Okay, I didn’t say that after the comma. This feels a bit like buying fries at the snackbar, but getting it un-fried. And then you go back to the snackbar with your un-fried fries, and they say ‘have you tried putting the fries in the fryer?’ I don’t feel like putting a pen in the freezer at all.

Last year I found out that there is some kind of secret language for people who are kinki. Sometimes I really feel like a noob. Once in the conversation he said “I do like the kinki stuff”. Whether I hadn’t picked it up from his text. Uhhhh, no? What should I have read? For anyone who doesn’t know this: when it says they don’t like vanilla, it doesn’t mean they don’t like vanilla ice cream. No, it stands for that they are kinki. Something like “not the vanilla type.” When a man puts this so explicitly in his bio on a dating app, you can pretty much assume he’s only after one thing. Before you know it, you’ll be swinging from his ceiling in ropes with a ball in your mouth. Anyway, dating apps don’t give me hope. Once I had a conversation with someone who worked in a hospital, in the radiology department. He told me that people regularly came in who had accidentally fallen on a beer bottle. With their anus. Or just sat down on the wine bottle next to the couch. Whenever I have a bad day, I always think of this. At least I don’t have to go to radiology with a piece of wine bottle in my anus’. The walk of shame is nothing compared to this.

At least I don’t have to go to radiology with a piece of wine bottle in the anus

We know, of course, that I’ve walked plenty of other walk of shames, but we won’t talk about that now. I am lying on the couch with my cat eating cake and listening to Nina Simone. What happened to the good old days of exciting evenings? The curfew is getting the better of me. I want excitement. The excitement of going out during curfew is no longer exciting either. Even on the weekends, I lie in bed like a piece of parchment at 11:00 pm. I feel like dancing and singing. No, not in the living room Karen, at a party! We have all become a lot more creative with all those lockdowns. Just like the song by Hans Teeuwen (Dutch comedian) in which he sings “what should I do with my dick in the lockdown”. Well, Hans. You can’t do much with a vagina at the moment either.

Tabé.