Men with two faces and sausages

Welcome to my blog, on this sunny Saturday afternoon. Now if you’re waiting for an inspirational Gandhi influencer quote that’s as zen as if there was a singing bowl AND a pan flute in your hole, this may not be the most inspiring blog you’re going to read. Or, well, maybe it is.

I thought. I’ll change tack for a change. Instead of listening to sad music when you’re feeling lousy, listen to something more cheerful than sad songs. But it still feels a bit like standing in your carnival outfit at a cremation. Where on earth have I been these past few months? Well, not anywhere else but here. I just wasn’t here indeed, but I’m here again. If I had to describe my life right now (right now), I would summarize it as an obstructed bowel that desperately wants a laxative. But life just doesn’t work like a set of bowels, so we just deal with it. If I could get savings stamps for stress, I’d have 10 savings cards full by now.

And if I had to symbolically describe what I feel like doing, it would still be flying around with a flare and a prosecco in my hand. The love life is still whiny, but maybe in 2021 there will only be a market of men to whine about. Who knows? My eyelids are lately as thick as a folded banana peel and I have also lost some pounds. In any case, I hope that those who haven’t been nice to me get an incredibly boring girlfriend. With the libido of a hunebed and the figure of an ugly carrot. Oh, and bad cooking skills and being so uninspired that they only use Aromat as “seasoning”. Many men suddenly get two faces, the magic tricks of Hans Klok are nothing compared to them.

Other than that, I’m busy studying, which basically means I have no life. Ask myself about every day what I got myself into, but still going strong. In the time I do have then, I figured out that I wanted a nice in-between coat. This was also quickly off the table given the chronic shitty weather here. You can’t even go out the door in a fancy jacket. Only the rainforest outdoor windbreaker XXL 2000 at the outdoor store is possible here in the Netherlands, if you don’t want to arrive at your destination drowned. I also have art of bird shit on my window, which despite the rain is still there.

And when you think you’ve had it all, my grocery delivery service (hereafter GDS) turned out to be late. This was not a problem, but I thought, let me inquire. He had already been by. But not at my door. This also turned out afterwards, he was at the wrong door. Well, Tijn arrived in 30 minutes. Fine. Once Tijn had delivered the groceries and I was unpacking my bags to put everything in the fridge, I suddenly saw a sausage. A lot of sausages. All kinds of sausage too. Sausage to go with the endive stew, because there was also a bag of endive. And even more meat. There was a WhatsApp glitch and the wait time on the phone at the GDS was up to my retirement, so I decided to send a message the next day.

This deserves a separate paragraph. The next day, I texted. I was tired and was fast asleep around 9 pm, when suddenly the doorbell rang. I found this very annoying. On my screen I see the delivery boy from the GDS. I open the door and say “I was sleeping. I’ll just get the groceries”. I in a comatose state stuffed all sausages, endive, cheese and I don’t know what else into the bag and handed it over. Went back to my warm bed, after a couple of minutes again the the doorbell rang again. “Yes, what is it? “I’m still missing a few groceries”. “My gosh”. He walked up the stairs again. “I’m missing some meat’.” “I don’t have any meat left”. “But they’re on the list”. “Yes, but I don’t have any meat left, and didn’t indicate that I had more”. Then there was silence, I could see that by now he also had an error going on in his head. “Shall I call my supervisor?” He asked. “Yes, you can call but what then? Then they want to get the meat I don’t have?” and added that I don’t even eat meat because I’m a vegetarian. It felt like I had to justify myself for not eating the meat myself. I had to laugh so hard at that moment (and cry inside), what a crazy situation. Fortunately, I wasn’t dragged to the guillotine for not handing over the meat I didn’t have.

And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t fall off a step and bruise my ankle and get hit really hard by a cyclist. I think I have been cycling around for a month now with a broken bike. But I wouldn’t be me if I got up with a sigh and jumped out of bed with a smile. Furthermore, I am planning nice vacations, learning Italian, attending a gospel concert by Presence, and thinking about what I want to do with my life. That’s life, I guess. How are you doing?


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