Spiders, carpets and cheers

So there I was. Sitting on my ass behind the diningtable with my back against the wall, after sitting on my knees for thirty minutes, watching the vacuum cleaner on Saturday evening. I have a Miele vacuum cleaner, which I think the Neanderthals still used, as old as it is (but many times better than many vacuum cleaners nowadays). It has a special filter to keep fine dust out. All great, until you have to replace it. After thirty minutes of trying to get the new filter in there in all kind of ways, I looked up a video. That video lasted exactly fourteen seconds, that’s how easy it was to replace it. Whatever, I got the wrong one. Life isn’t all about roses, but it is about a lot of things I don’t know about and have to take care of myself.

So I bought a new thick high pile carpet, lovely. I sold my old one on the internet in no time. Patries was her name. Or she is still called Patries, because she is still alive as far as I know. Anyway, Patries came to pick up the carpet with a friend, let’s call that friend Melinda for the story. I asked Patries “shall I roll out the carpet, so you can check it out”. Then Patries said “oh no, I’ll take it like that”. So I said “don’t you want to take a look before you go?”, Patries says “no, just want to put tape around the carpet if you are okay with that”. Yeah fine. But when I saw how smoothly Patries twisted the tape off the roll, tore it off and attached it to the carpet, I knew. Patries and Melinda are going to put a body in it. Therefore, of course, they don’t need to see the carpet before buying. Now my DNA is on the carpet. My last days of living in freedom are counted, until I end up in jail.

I know, I know. I watch too many crime series. Also, I’m still looking for nice comfortable sneakers, but all I see are ugly shoes. The ones with the really high soles, weird shapes. If you had worn these shoes in 1960 they would have thought you could fly with them. As if you had some kind of club feet. Now it’s fashion. I refuse to wear shoes with such a gigantic high sole, then I’ll go outside on crocs. I have been buying the same sneaker again for years, because they are just fantastic. Suddenly they have become vegan shoes. Vegan. Shoes. I’ll fold a cute little shoe out of cardboard and draw a pair of laces on it.

Right now I’m on the train. Some facemasks are too small, or heads too big actually. With a white facemask, it looks more like someone has tied a sanitary towel with elastic ropes on their head. Anyway, I caught the spider of the year today. However, with the support of a friend. It strikes me that people who are around me when they see a spider, are close to burn-out in no time. The stress levels rise above the earth. I was having a nice dinner, when suddenly there was a black spot on the wall. But, no, it was a spider. A spider so big that he probably also has a job, goes out for groceries so now and then, has an agenda, debates with other spiders, discusses the climate and was looking for a house to live. And he found that house with me. However, I did not agree to this, so I had to escort the spider out of the house.

My friend came in exactly at the moment suprème. Then we first deliberated what to do with the spider. Because it was no longer a question of what I had to do with the spider, no it was a “we” question. What were we going to do. First I thought to be heroic and catch the spider in a glass, but when I came too close to the spider, I almost shitted my pants. Okay, then the vacuum cleaner, vacuum bag out, vacuum bag in the garbage bag and throw it away. Easy peasy you would think. I had already given the garbage bag to my friend, so he was standing with the bag open the whole time supporting me and watching me do everything. I sucked the spider with the maximum length of the rod, and then. Then came the most scary part. Opening the lid of the vacuum cleaner, and taking out the vacuum cleaner bag. It was just a new bag so all that was in there was a little dust and the spider. But. The bag was stuck in that vacuum cleaner, so I had to wiggle it loose a bit. This I did while screaming. By now my friend’s sweat was everywhere, he was getting more stress from me than from the spider. The bag was finally loose. Then. I dropped the bag. UPSIDE DOWN. Then grabbed the bag while I was screaming and put it in the garbage bag. I’m sorry spider, but you were too big for me. Cortisol is fully replenished again.

Other good news: I passed my exams with an 8.5 and 7.8 out of 10 for psychology. Cheers! I feel relieved. Next few weeks, studying for other courses starts all over again, but I’m looking forward to it and I feel confident. Hard work pays off. As you can see, I am writing in English. I decided to write in English because most of my visitors and followers are not from the Netherlands. Despite the translation function on my website, texts are poorly translated. I’ll leave the function on, so that everyone can still translate it into their own language if necessary!


  1. Léo

    You could also have set this part of the house on fire. It would have been easier to destroy the little spider. The insurance companies would have reimbursed the rest.

    With your attention to detail it must be impressive to see you working your legal files. He must not miss any criminal detail.

    Happy Sunday Lidewij 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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